A Letter of Loss

I was in the Dominican Republic from August 19-24 for my graduation trip. When I returned, I intended on sharing the pictures on my blog (minus any poetic entries) because they are absolutely breathtaking. But the night that I landed, I found out that my grandmother (affectionately known as Grandmere) had been moved into hospice care while I was away. Her health began to decline when she was hospitalized on August 10th, but knowing your loved one is going to die doesn’t make it hurt any less when that day finally comes.

On Saturday August 27th around 2 AM, my grandmother took her very last breath. I was at the hospital about an hour later to say yet another goodbye. At first, her body was warm. Her skin had become dull but I was pleased to see that the swelling in her face had decreased significantly. Visiting her post-vacation served as the first time I had ever seen a hospice patient. This was the first time I witnessed how the exterior of one’s body transforms into something you can no longer detect, as the interior slowly shuts down. This was the first time my lips touched a body that was growing cold from life no longer existing inside.

I write this part-mortal and part-mummy. I write this with tears welling up in my eyes.  I write because it’s all that I know. I write because it’s comforting to me, and being able to share my words with strangers isn’t so bad when writing means the same thing for them. So please, pray for me. Keep me on your mind. Share pieces of your own or others that might make my heart smile despite having lost one of the most important people I’ve ever known. Someday soon I’ll be okay, I just I wish that “soon” was now.

 

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